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2004-01-14 - 12:12 p.m.

I miss my father more each day that

passes, each hour that I do not receive his phone call. How could a man so invincible leave this earth?

I found this poem right after he passed, it helped me then, nothing

helps me now.

Love Is Stronger Than Death

Love is stronger than death.

So, I must be content to know that

love is not affected by death-

it doesn't end, it doesn't diminish,

it doesn't change.

Instead, love is immortalized

and eternalized through death.

And the possibility of that love ever

being damaged or broken

is eliminated forever.

I'll put my trust in love.

- Mary Hollingsworth

Yesterday I had a terrible pain in my stomach. I thought that I was going to loose the babies. But today they are both moving around. I was scared and went home right away. I think that I should back off of my work schedule soon.

I spent this morning in the internet looking at photos of identical twin boys - trying to get an idea of what it will be like. I am now leaning towards giving them slightly different hair cuts and at the very least dressing them in different colors.

Dennis is on graveyard and sleeping all day so I am doing my best to keep quiet.

I need to shower but I know that will wake him up.

I am thirsty all of the time now and nothing seems to quench my thirst.

I hope that is not a bad sign.

I read today that if the babies came now they would have an 80% change of survival but a 50% chance of some birth defect.

I hope and pray that they hang in there.

Pam told me yesterday that she was buying something for the boys but that my sister told her to wait and see if they lived. I don't know who is worse, kim or saying that or pam for repeating it. Probably kim for being such a cheap ass... so what if you spend $20 and the unspeakable happens, so get your money back!


Ron called last night and he ended up crying on the phone. It makes me sad that he is sad. I don't know what to do about it. I pray to god that he will find happiness. He has never been happy.


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