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2003-05-21 - 2:36 p.m.

Thanks to Sammy I am able to post my old

diary in my new "averynewlife" diary.

It was very interesting to look back and

see what I was thinking before the big explosion....which is d i v o r c e.

2001-12-26 - 12:10 p.m.

I feel like a new person today.

I have taken matters into my own hands.

I had the courage to kill a perfectly healty fish,(death by toilet flushing)

in order that a half living - half eaten fish could die in comfort.

This goes against logic I know.

I am standing up for the underdog from this day forward. I am no longer going to join the crowd of stone throwers in order to satisfy a hidden agenda.

The meek shall inherit the earth!

O.K. I'm not religious, and I probably didn't just change my life, but damn it felt good to flush that little flesh eating bastard!

2001-12-29 - 7:34 p.m.

Today my children sat around the house like lumps of shit. They waited for me to cook and clean so that we could all go out and have fun on the Mountain in the snow. I made little suggestions for them to vacuum, dust, take out trash, but all went ignored.

I was so tired by the time that I was done that I didn't feel like going anywhere.

Then my daughter says: "You never do what you say you are going to do!"

I suggested that if I had received help with the housework I would not be so tired. To this she says: "All you do is bitch!" I think that the Gods have something to do with this poison that she spews... in order to make it easier to take when she move on with her own life. I can well imagine that she will hear these same words herself someday.

2001-12-28 - 8:12 p.m.

My father is failing. It makes me so very sad. I have expected him to die for over 15 years now. He has hung on so long that I was finally believing that he would never die. Now I hear rumor that he is not doing so well. He doesn't say this to me. He tells my husband and my son. He keeps it from me. He has not been a good father; he has been a less than perfect man. He would tell you this himself.

I have no other father to compare him to.

I love him nonetheless. I have forgiven his sins against me because I know that he loves me.

I feel that he is scared, he is sad.

I feel there is a word that would make him happy. I wish that I could find that word and say it to him.

I is not "I love you,” I have told him this. It is not "I forgive you,” I have told him this also.

I bought him a "Fathers Diary" for father’s day one year. He left it in his kitchen and I read it during a time that he was in the hospital. It was full of stories about what a terrible son, husband, and father that he was.

I told him that he needed to forgive himself.

He no longer believes in God. Perhaps I do not have the power to make things better.

2002-01-01 - 2:46 a.m.

Princess Mysti had a terrible fight with her intended. It seems that he has chosen the company of his parents over hers. She is very upset and not at all capable of understanding his position. I myself see him as a mommy's boy. I tried to smooth things over so that we would have a win/win situation in this house. My nature was to say "be gone Prince Kyle, not to return until you are weaned!"

Of course I went against my nature in order to keep peace in the house

2002-01-06 - 10:03 p.m.

I look at the pig that I have been married to for 21 years and I resent him for not leaving long ago.

I am equally disappointed in myself for not leaving him, or murdering him.

What a waste of air. Today I got up an hour before everyone in the house and I mad him an omelet. Then I cleaned the kitchen and was in the process of cleaning the rest of the house.

There was a program that he was watching and I sat down for a second to see what it was about and he started screaming about what a mess the house was and how all the clothes needed to be sorted, thrown out, or mended.

I got to work on this and he brought a bunch of his clothes to me to hang up.

He told me that I was worthless when it came to knowing what to do, and that albeit I was an intelligent woman, I had no common sense when it came to practical matters. His case in point was that I bought our daughter an exercise ball for Christmas (as she requested)And he did not feel that we needed to bring anything else into the house. My son reminded him that it was Christmas and it is customary to purchase gifts.... But this was not anything he was willing to listen to.

The guy is an asshole.

2002-01-18 - 8:15 p.m.

It is Friday, and that means pizza day, and diet coke, and beer for the kids.

I was going to work late but the kids summon me home because they want me to stop at the store and pick up Budweiser and pizza. They are playing grab ass on the couch now, two in the bathroom getting stoned. It's the talented one,

the A student that is getting stoned.

The quiet, intelligent, unassuming one is "rastlin'" on the couch with her boyfriend of two years. She doesn't drink she doesn't smoke, she is the good child, but the child that has no ambition. Such a hodgepodge of offspring I have brought forth.

I love them, I admire them, I wish for them everything.

To my loud, pot-worshipping man-child I wish for success, happiness and laughter.

For my sensible liberal who's only pot is made of clay, I wish for peace and happiness and laughter.

2002-01-18 - 8:34 p.m.

I had a dream yesterday.

There was a field of zebra and when my alarm would sound a little deer would come from the center of the herd and push the "snooze" with it's little nose.

When I woke I saw that I had pushed snooze every 5 minutes for a half hour!

This made me late for work.

I was telling my friend that my hair was wet because of the time I lost when the little deer was pushing snooze.

She told me that she had noticed that someone else, a male someone else, had wet hair too. It was her way of saying that she didn't believe the deer story, but rather she felt that I had been in bed with this male someone.... silly girl.

2002-01-18 - 9:15 p.m.

I had not seen my brother for 18 years.

10 because we did not care enough, 8 because he was in prison.

He was released in September. I called him and he made me laugh. But more importantly I made him laugh.

Together we made a horrible past seem hilarious.

He wrote a story, it was wonderful.

He is a not a young soul, I do not know why his journey has been so difficult.

I feel at peace with our relationship.

We are two people who lived the same childhood experience differently.

His coffee maker works, his blankets are warm. He is free to begin again.

2002-01-19 - 11:08 p.m.

Today I made food. I have learned something about myself. When I am Melancholy I cook and bake. Needless to say, I made cookies, caramel rolls, fried rice, baked chicken and scalloped potatoes, and potato salad. I believe that is all. None of these things really relate to each other. I just looked in the cupboards to see what I could invent and the event took off.

If you are hungry, come to mozie's...

She is sad today.

The pig of the house told me that he didn't give a rat's ass about our 21st anniversary.

2002-01-19 - 11:22 p.m.

Be patient with new souls, if this is their first time as a human being it may take them a while to get it right.

My sister was a cactus in her last life. She is barely human now. I think that she is a cat.. a cat with too much catnip on it's breath. The one with the crazy eyes. The one that is making too much noise with her little annoying voice.

2002-01-25 - 7:19 p.m.

Princess Mystine is PMS... all is not right with the world.

2002-04-13 - 9:33 p.m.

My computer died and so I have not written anything in diaryland for over two months.

I am sure that a whole shit load of exciting things happened to me.. But I can't think of them just now.


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